No matter how hard you love someone, you can’t change them. You can’t make them better.
STORY OF STRENGTH & RESILIENCE
By Andrea Seydel Author of Saving You Is Killing Me: Loving Someone With An Addiction
Brenda's Story of Strength and Resilience.
1. Tell us a little about yourself.: I am a mom of two, I have an excellent career with two beautiful children, and I thought that I found the love of my life. I was so in love with my husband. He was such an amazing man.
2. What has been (or was) your biggest struggle loving someone with an addiction?: I think the biggest challenge that I went through loving my addicted husband was the back-and-forth of him being the man I fell in love with and then an empty vessel of a human. It was so sad to me to see my husband change so much. Anger, bad moods and the constant lies about when he was coming home, what he was doing and overall disregard for our relationship!
3. How did you take back your power in your life?: In my situation, my husband ended up leaving. This challenge was heartbreaking for me as I probably would’ve stayed on the roller coaster for a long time. When he left, I had to do things to calm my nervous system, such as deep breathing, yoga, and walks. I also had to process my hurt, feelings of rejection and confusion. I started to journal all my feelings. I did things to take care of myself, like exercising, decluttering the house and cleaning up his leftover mess!
4. What has been your biggest lesson from loving someone with an addiction? : My most powerful lesson I learned from loving someone with an addiction is that no matter how hard you love someone, you can’t change them. You can’t make them better.
5. Finally, What message do you want to give to anyone struggling (or has struggled) with loving someone with an addiction?: My most meaningful message that I would share with someone else struggling from loving someone with addiction would be that this is hard. No matter how hard you try, the addict in your life has to want to stop, and they have to want to get better. Do not let yourself get pulled down into their muck. You need to love yourself and make your life beautiful!
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