Updated: Jan 23, 2019
A Counterintuitive Approach To Living a Good Life
Andrea Seydel Live Life Happy Unconventional Book Club
Resilience, happiness, and freedom come from knowing what to care about-- and, most importantly, what not to care about.
Mark Manson gives the readers the wisdom to do just that.
This book is a little unusual in that it is the opposite of the usual positivity. The key to being happier is to stop trying to be "Positive" all the time and instead to become better at handling adversity.
Fixation on positive, on what's better or superior, only serves to remind us over and over again of what we are not, of what we lack, or what we should have been but failed to be. You don't need to try JUST BE.
The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one's negative experience is a positive experience.
1. Not giving a FUCK does not mean being indifferent; it means being comfortable with being indifferent. Actually picking what you give a fuck about. 2. If you are giving too many fucks you might need to find something important to actually give a fuck about. 3. You are always choosing what to give a fuck about.
Bottom Line: We no longer need to give a fuck about everything. Life is just what it is. Don't try don't give a fuck. Choose what you give a fuck about.
Happiness is a problem
Happiness is a constant work in progress. Happiness comes from solving continual problems. If you feel like you have problems you can't solve, you are going to feel miserable. The secret sauce is in the solving of the problems, not in having the problems in the first place.
It's that simple: Solve problems; be happy. Unfortunately, for many people, life doesn't feel that simple because they use Denial- deny their problems or Victim Mentality- believe there is nothing we can do about it. WE MAKE STRUGGLE... OUR PROBLEMS BIRTH OUR HAPPINESS.
You are not special
A true measure of self-worth is not how a person feels about her positive experiences, but rather how she feels about her negative experiences. People hide from problems by making imagined success and entitlement to make themselves look special.
A person who actually has high self-worth is able to look at the negative parts and take responsibility,ownership and admit areas needing improvement. Things are going to fall apart. Real trauma happens in life, we start to feel like we have problems we are incapable of ever solving. We adopt two thinking strategies "I'm awesome and the rest of you suck, so I deserve special treatment." I suck and the rest of you are all awesome so I deserve special treatment." BIRTH OF ENTITLEMENT.
Remove the constant pressure to be something amazing, to be the next big thing, lift the weight off you back. The stress and anxiety of always feeling inadequate and constantly needing to prove yourself will dissipate. And the knowledge and acceptance of your own mundane existence will actually free you to accomplish what you truly wish to accomplish, without judgement or lofty expectations. You're not special.
The value of suffering
When we have poor values- that is, poor standards we set for ourselves and others- we are essentially giving fucks about things that don't matter, things that in fact make our lives worse.
When we choose better values, we are able to divert our fucks to something better-towards things that matter, things that improve the state of our wellbeing and generate happiness and success as a side effect.
You are always choosing
Take responsibility for everything that occurs in your l life, regardless of who's at fault.
When we feel like we are choosing our problems, we feel empowered. When we feel our problems are being forced upon us, we feel victimized and miserable.
You're wrong about everything (But so am I)
Acknowledgement of your own ignorance and the cultivation of constant done in your own beliefs. Maybe we should trust ourselves less, remain curious with questions.
Studies show that most of our beliefs are wrong. All beliefs are actually wrong- some are just less wrong than others. Our brains are always trying to make sense of our current situation based on what we already believe and have already experienced. Ask yourself, 'What if I'm wrong," "What would it mean if I were wrong?""Would being wrong create a better or a worse problem than my current problem, for both myself and others."
Failure is the way forward
The willingness to discover your own flaws and mistakes so that they may be improved upon.
Pain is part of the process.
Success/Failure Paradox: We become scared of failure and avoid it and stick to what were good at. Focus on better values of process oriented, failure acceptance. "Do something" principle will help set the motivation loop into action. Inspiration-motivation-action or better yet Action- Inspiration- Motivation.
The importance of saying no
The ability to both say and hear NO, thus clearly defining what you will and will not accept in your life. Rejection makes your life better. Rejection helps set boundaries, allowing you to choose for yourself.
And then you die
Contemplation of one's own mortality. This allows you to pay attention to one's own death is perhaps the only thing capable of helping us keep all our values in proper perspective. "Is it worth your energy?""What should I give a fuck about?"
This book teaches you not how to gain and achieve, but how to lose and let go.
Mark Manson turns the concept of positive thinking on it's head. with this new perspective, we are able to he honest with our lives, with delusional expectation for ourselves and others, and to know our limitations and accept them.
Continue to choose what you give a fuck about and what not to.
Book Link: https://amzn.to/2FTf7b6