Updated: Aug 11, 2020
THE JEALOUSY CURE: Learn to Trust, Overcome Possessiveness & Save Your Relationship
Is your jealousy sabotaging your life or relationships? Are you a jealous person? If so, you aren't alone.
Jealousy is a universal emotion- just like love or fear. Jealousy shows up when we are afraid someone could come between us and the person we love. Or between us and our own success. Don't for a second think that because you have feelings of jealousy that you 1. Must have low self-esteem 2. You have to just get you mind off of things 3. Need to try and think positive. 4. Shouldn't have these feelings. 5. Wrong in some way. Jealousy is not inherently pad and it is part of human nature.
Jealousy can make us miserable, it can cause us to do or say things we regret, even destroy relationships. BUT DID YOU KNOW..According to Positive psychology. Jealousy can actually be useful by helping your
A Positive psychology approach to Jealousy, involves seeing jealousy as a signal to look inside ourselves and ask.... WHY AM I FEELING THIS AND HOW DO I STOP?
The Jealousy cure, uncovers the evolutionary origins of jealousy, teaches us to discover what is driving our jealousy, and gives us proven effective practices to help us move past possessiveness and our own jealousy.
If you are sometimes consumed with jealous thoughts and jealous feelings or if you wish you could decrease your suffering, then this is the Podcast, Workshop, Book For you!!
Are you ready to rein in your jealousy and keep it in its place. This book helps us to know why we feel jealous. How it is a normal intense experience. You'll learn how our emotions and our thinking get highjacked. Then you'll discover what to do. LET'S DETACH and DISENGAGE from jealous thoughts and feelings. This book is good even if you don't think you have a jealousy problem. It provides essential skills to improve relationships with others and ourselves.
LET'S DISCOVER THE PASSION OF JEALOUSY
EVOLUTION OF COMPETITIVE EMOTIONS
Jealousy is passion directed against the threat of betrayal or threat of abandonment. It's emotion towards someone we feel is an intruder or a competitor. Jealousy is a mix of emotions such as (anger, anxiety, dread, confusion, helplessness, hopelessness and sadness)
Jealousy is part of evolution: It is a Protective strategies to defend ourselves against competitors for survival of our offspring. In evolution we are Competitive for limited resources. WE ARE WIRED TO BE JEALOUS!! Evolution built jealousy into human nature.
Now it's jealousy at work, jealousy boosted by social media, Jealousy in families.
IS JEALOUSY A PROBLEM FOR YOU?
IMPORTANT NOTE: There is a difference between feeling jealous and acting on the jealousy.
You have a right to your feelings and we are all vulnerable to feeling jealous at times, so the question to consider is HAS JEALOUSY BECOME A PROBLEM FOR YOU?
Ask yourself if you: Complain, ruminate, resent, avoid, affect relationships, cause resentment, get mentally hijacked, clinging, demanding, get upset and sad, feel hopeless, feel miserable in relationship, say things your regret. Consider taking a jealousy scale.
MY OWN JEALOUSY:
Social media habit hole. Show's me what I don't have yet and what I want. Most recent jealous moment- Starbucks couple touching each other, kissing, and mutual respect having fun.
COMPARE JEALOUSY & ENVY: Main difference is that envy is an emption of desiring what someone else has, while jealousy is the emotion related to fear that something you have will be taken away by someone else.
HOW JEALOUSY BECOMES A PROBLEM
HIJACKED BY THE JEALOUS MIND
Jealousy has a mind of its own. When we are jealous, we are often hijakcyd by our thoughts and feelings.
There are four parts to the jealous mind: Core beliefs, rule-books, worry and rumination. Problem is these things keep us locked into, fixated and elaborates, jealousy. JEALOUSY LENS... Problem is we have a Confirmation bias- look for evidence to support our thoughts/beleifs/stories/worry/ instead of facts. Rules, assumptions, beliefs, Biased thinking- lead to distortions. Fortuntelling, catastrophizing, negative filtering, overgeneralizing, discounting the positives, all or nothing thinking, shoulds, blaming, emotional reasoning. ALL LEAD US TO HIJACKED BY EMOTION!!
JEALOUS STRATEGIES THAT DRIVE YOUR PARTNER AWAY
Some problematic effects of jealousy: Interrogation, looking for clues based on assumption, pouting and withdrawal, accusing, putting down competition, not trusting your partner, threatening the relationship, increased tension on yourself and partner, reverse the jealousy, NONE OF WHICH WORK.
Now that you know how your jealous mind works and emotions that overtake you, and HOW you tend to cope with these feelings. LET'S DISCUSS MORE POWERFUL AND HELPFUL WAYS TO LIVE!!
LET'S TURN JEALOUSY AROUND
STEPPING BACK TO OBSERVE AND ACCEPT
TIPS: Make room for jealousy. Allow it to be there. It's ok your not ok. Observe your feelings rather than struggling. Mindful breathe and honour validate your jealousy. "These are my feelings right now and I have a right to feel what I feel. These are difficult feelings for me. It's hard to have these feelings. Step back and observe. Have compassion for yourself.
LIVING WITH YOUR THOUGHTS
TIPS: Thought stopping. Snap out of it. Doesn't work- Pay attention to the thoughts. SHIFT your thinking or pay attention to something else. Notice what your focusing on, and ask yourself if there is something else that might be more important, more relaxing , more peaceful. Try to make your thought simply a thought. Don't hang out with jealous thoughts. "I can accept that thought and get on with my life. A thought could be like a telemarketing call, I dlm't need to pay attention to it. PRODUCTIVE VS. UNPRODUCTIVE THOUGHTS TEST.
TALKING BACK TO JEALOUSY
TIPS: For every thought, there is another way of thinking. Question an automatic negative thought. "what is the cost of thinking this way?" How would someone else interpret this? Consider alternate automatic thoughts. Stop mindreading, fortunetelling, personalizing (taking things personally) discounting the positives, labelling. Examining the underlying assumptions.
PUTTING JEALOUSY IN CONTEXT
TIPS: Change the lens of your relationship or situation you feel jealousy. Change to: Compassionate lens, playfulness lens, Love and kindness towards the person. Self compassion. Make space for these emotions and know they are safe and telling you something. "I can accept these feelings." and there are a lot of other feelings I can also choose to feel. FOR ME THE COUPLE IN STARBUCKS I COULD TURN IT INTO PROOF IT IS POSSIBLE FOR A LOVING RELATIONSHIP AND I IMAGINE THAT FOR MYSELF.
TIPS: Be realistic. Recognize baggage. Get beyond being right. Focus on what's most important. Establish your goals for a discussion (I would like to build trust) Avoid blaming, labeling, own your part in the problem, Direct compassion. Recognize other positive emotions you share together. Put the shoe on the other foot. Consider the evolutionary lens. Shift yoru focus now. Present moment.