Updated: Jan 23, 2019
OPTION B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy
Andrea Seydel Live Life Happy Unconventional Bookclub
Did you know that there are concrete steps people can take to recover an rebound from life-shattering experiences. Resilience is like a muscle that everyone can build. OPTION B Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by New York Times Best Selling Authors..... Sheryl Sandberg Lean in and Adam Grant Give and Take. This book is a wonderful blend of Sheryl's personal insight with Adam's eye-opening reheard on finding strength in the face of adversity. Hardships including illness, job loss, sexual assault, natural disasters, divorce and even violence reveal our capacity of the human spirit to persevere and rediscover joy.
Resilience comes from deep within us and from support outside us. It come from gratitude for WHAT'S GOOD in our lives and from leaning in to the SUCK.
Resilience comes from analyzing how we process grief and from accepting that grief.
TIP: When life pulls you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breath again
Kicking the Elephant Out of the Room
Avoiding feelings isn't the same as protecting feelings. Until we acknowledge it, the elephant is always there. You can't wish the elephant away, but you can say, "I see it. I see you're suffering. And I care about you."
Those who are grieving isolate themselves and those who could offer comfort distance instead.
Both sides need to reach out. Speaking with empathy and honesty is a good place to start.
The Platinum Rule of Friendship
When people close to us face adversity, how do we give them a button to press? Friends want to offer support for friends going through crisis, but there are two different emotional responses. 1. EMPATHY motivates us to help 2. DISTRESS motivates us to avoid.
Best rule of thumb: Check in and show up. The poem Footprints in the sand: Relates to a dream of walking on the beach with God. The Story telling observes only one set of footprints in the sand during a really tough time, the story teller challenges God: "Why, when I needed you the most you have not been there for me?" The Lord replies, "The years when you have seen only one set o footprints, my child, are when I carried you."
Friends and family will carry you through the worst days of your life. Or the footprints are right behind you following you ready to catch you when if you fall.
Self-Compassion & Self Confidence
Coming to grips with ourselves. Self-compassion comes from recognizing that our imperfections are part of being human.
Those who can tap into Self-compassion & Self-confidence recover from hardship faster.
TIP: Turning feelings into words can help process adversity. Label negative emotions to help you deal with them. Make gratitude lists to build confidence in your life. Ask yourself "What would you do if you weren't afraid?"
Challenging events and experiences shakes our belief in the world, robbing us of our sense that life is controllable, predictable, and meaningful.
Post-traumatic growth- Personal strength is about what does not kill you makes you stronger or the idea that we are more vulnerable that we think, but much stronger than we ever imagined.
PTG- is about finding greater meaning in life and a stronger sense of purpose rooted in a belief that on'e existence has significance. While we are grieving, it can be hard to see through the pain to new possibilities or greater meaning.
TIP: Remember tragedy does not rip away our present, but can tear away our hope for the future. Help others where you have been hurt so that wounds are not in vain. Remember the hand print on your heart as you bounce forward.
Taking Back Joy
A life chasing pleasure without meaning is an aimless existence. Life focusing on others, makes motivation difficult for ourselves. Survivor guilt is a thief of joy.
IT is ok to push through and seek joy. Pay attention to moments of joy. Labelling negative events can help you process them. Writing about joyful experiences can improve your mood. Savour the smallest of daily events, such as a warm breeze on your face. Seek peace, peace is joy at rest. Play music, turn to exercise for flow.
Joy is something everyone deserves. Joy allow us to go on living and loving. Joy can be found in moments we seize and moments we create.
Raising Resilient Kids
We owe all children safety, support, opportunity, and help finding a way forward, especially in the most tragic situations.
We can start by helping children develop four Core beliefs: 1. They have some control over their lives. 2. They can learn from failure. 3. They matter as human beings. 4. They have real strengths to rely on and share.
Beliefs can fuel action and become self-fulfilling. Believe you can learn from failure and you become less defensive and more open. Believe you matter and you spend more time helping others. Believe you have strengths and you start seeing opportunities to use them.
Finding Strength Together
We find humanity or our will to live and our ability to love in our connections to one another. Join or form a community.
To Love & Laugh Again
Humour can make us more resilient. Humour can trump sadness.
To build resilience in a loving, long term relationship, we need to pay attention to the everyday interactions we have with our partners. The well known study called "Love Lab" Psychologist made predictions about lasting marriages. They predicted divorce with 83% accuracy. We all have bids for attention, affection, support, or laughter. Two options to respond to these bids: Turnin away means dismissing or ignoring the bid. Turning towards means engaging. Successful marriages turned in, couples who divorced turned away. CAREFUL CONNECTION IS A MAJOR CONTRIBUTOR OF LOVING RELATIONSHIPS.
For relationships to last, partners have tone able to deal with conflict. During conflict the resilient couples showed humour and affection. Each took responsibility for their problem and found ways to compromise. Patterns that lead to couples divorcing would showcase belligerent, defensive interactions followed by sadness, disgust, and stonewalling. TIPS: Resilience in love is about finding strength from within that you can share with others. Finding a way to make love last through highs and lows. Find your own ways to love when life does not work out as planned. Find hope to love and laugh again.
Resilience comes from deep with us and from support outside us.
Even after the most devastating events, it is possible to grow by finding deeper meaning and gaining greater appreciation in our lives.
This book teaches us that when Option A is not available, we can make the most out of Option B.
Book Link: https://amzn.to/2DuJ6EF